Belonging Doesn't Happen On a Schedule
Belonging Doesn't Happen On a Schedule
and some thoughts on match-making.
I’m in the process of matching a duo of guests for Change Is, one of my latest experiments in belonging.
This experimental and experiential process of match-making is extraordinary to me. I have a natural inclination to connect and offer a sort of cross-pollination between groups of which I’m a part.
When someone new to me shares an interest, expertise, or problem of theirs, you can count on my mind flipping through an internal Rolodex, desiring to connect them with another someone who’d benefit from connecting with them. In the past I haven’t followed through on a lot of the potential connections. There’s lots of reasons why but I don’t need to get into that right now.
The podcast is my first step in reclaiming and enacting this natural inclination of mine.
In this process of match-making, I’m seeing that a sense of belonging - and its precursor, a desire to begin a connection - can’t be on a pre-determined schedule.
A memory comes back to me.
A co-teacher and I had been observing one of the young girls in our nature-based early childhood program.
She was one of the newer students and hadn’t yet formed a strong bond with anyone. The co-teacher and I were starting to connect with her though we were also working to give her ample opportunities to connect with her peers. Lately, she had had some challenging connections.
The co-teacher and I observed that these were coming from her natural desire to connect but weren’t really landing well. If your peer snatches the pan you’re using to make a mud pie in, your peer might not be inclined to play with you.
We kept moving along with connecting with her ourselves and giving intentional space and scaffolded guidance to connect with her peers.
One day we saw her and another girl walking and holding hands. They were fully animated, talking, designing their own pretend play world.
These two girls hadn’t been present on the same day very often so they didn’t have many chances to connect. They both seemed to also need to move through their own challenging experiences with failed connections to be able to get to this moment of mastering partnership with one another.
I remember the co-teacher and I both with big smiles on our faces, witnessing this new friendship birthing. Yeah, we were gave support for this happen and yet, really both of the girls had the desire to connect and the desire to connect with one another. And that’s what made it successful.
I don’t think belonging and connection can happen on a pre-determined schedule. It can’t happen just because I, as the match-maker, want it to.
It seems like it’s the successful and joyous connection is a combination of timing, desire, ability, and need.
And just like in my role as the educator, I can foster my own connection with each person who I desire to match with one another for the podcast and I can scaffold by offering guidance on how one could connect with the other person. But it’s not up to me or my schedule. And I’m okay with that.
I’m curious to hear what this memory evokes for you. Or this endeavor of match-making.
Til tomorrow,
Cassandra